Teachable moments #36 - Forgive but Don’t Forget: How This Mindset Saved My Sanity

Have you ever been let down by someone? Maybe a colleague betrayed your trust, a friend spread rumours, or a family member said something that really hurt. That kind of pain doesn’t just go away – it lingers. Not just in your memory, but in your emotions too.

For the longest time, I thought forgiving someone meant pretending nothing happened. Smile, move on, forget. But the truth is – how do you forget something that hurt you deeply?

Then I learned something that really shifted my perspective:
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It means freeing yourself.

Why forgive?

Not for them.
Not to excuse what they did.
But for yourself – for your peace of mind, your mental wellbeing, your personal growth.

When you hold on to anger, resentment, or bitterness, it’s like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. You think it’s protecting you, but in reality, it’s only weighing you down.

I experienced this personally. Someone close to me said things that really cut deep. For a long time, I held onto that pain. Every time I thought of them, it drained my energy. But to them? Life moved on. They weren’t affected – I was.

That’s when I realised: Why am I giving this situation so much control over my emotions?

So I chose to forgive.

Not because they deserved it, but because I deserved peace.

I acknowledged the hurt. I allowed myself to feel it. I processed it – even if it meant some difficult days. And then, slowly, I let it go. I didn’t pretend the pain never happened. I didn’t suddenly become close to that person again. But I stopped letting the memory consume me.

But I didn’t forget.

And that’s the part that often gets misunderstood.
Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting.
Forgiveness means releasing the burden. Forgetting means erasing the lesson.

It’s like touching a hot stove. You might forgive yourself or whoever caused it, but you won’t go and touch the stove again. That’s how we learn. That’s how we grow.

Why it helps with mental wellbeing:

• 🧠 It gives you clarity and emotional freedom

• ❤️ It allows your heart to let go of resentment

• 💤 It improves your sleep and reduces mental stress

• 🤝 It teaches you to set healthy boundaries

• 🌱 It helps you grow stronger and wiser

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

It’s not weakness – it’s strength. It takes courage to say, “Yes, this hurt me, but I will not let it define me.” And by remembering the experience, you protect yourself from repeating the same patterns. You become more intentional about the kind of people and energy you allow into your life.

If you’re struggling with a painful memory or a difficult relationship, take your time.
Acknowledge the pain. Process it at your own pace.
But when you’re ready, choose to forgive – for your own wellbeing.
And don’t forget – for your growth.

Because healing isn’t about pretending it never hurt.
Healing is about knowing it did – and choosing peace anyway.