Teachable moments #38 - Leadership Isn’t a Popularity Contest

Let’s be honest — most of us were raised to be liked.

From a young age, we’re taught to be polite, agreeable, and not to “rock the boat.” In school, we’re encouraged to follow instructions, be a team player, and avoid conflict. And when we enter the working world, this pattern continues — don’t offend, don’t speak too loudly, and definitely don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

So it’s no surprise that when some people step into leadership roles, they carry this same mindset.
They want to lead — but they also want to be liked.

And that’s where many start to struggle.

The Quiet Trap: Wanting to Be Liked

Here’s the hard truth: if your main goal is to be liked, you will struggle to lead effectively.
Not because you’re not capable, not because you’re not smart — but because real leadership often requires making tough calls that won’t make everyone happy.

Sometimes, you have to hold people accountable.
Sometimes, you have to challenge the way things have always been done.
Sometimes, you have to say “no” — even when it’s unpopular.

And when your self-worth is tied to being liked, those moments feel unbearable.

So what happens?

You start avoiding necessary conversations.
You stay quiet when you should speak up.
You overcompensate, bend boundaries, or try to please everyone.

And in doing so, you stop leading.

Leadership Is Not About Being Liked. It’s About Being Respected.

Being respected doesn’t mean being feared. It means being trusted — for your integrity, your clarity, and your consistency.

The best leaders aren’t always the most liked in the room. But they are the ones people turn to when things get tough. They are the ones who stand firm in their values. They don’t shift their tone depending on who’s watching. They don’t avoid conflict — they address it with courage and empathy.

And here’s the irony:
When you lead with authenticity, even when it’s uncomfortable, you may not be “liked” by everyone — but you’ll be respected by the right people.

That kind of respect lasts longer than popularity ever will.

A Personal Reflection

I’ve been there before — the new manager who wanted to be seen as the “nice boss.”
I avoided giving tough feedback because I didn’t want to come across as harsh.
I said “yes” to unreasonable requests because I didn’t want anyone to feel disappointed.
I kept quiet in meetings when I disagreed, afraid of stepping on toes.

And slowly, I started losing credibility — not because I didn’t care, but because I wasn’t willing to lead.

Eventually, I learned that leadership isn’t about keeping everyone happy.
It’s about doing what’s right, even when it’s hard.
And that shift changed everything.

If You’re in a Leadership Role (or Working Towards It)

Ask yourself:
👉 Am I avoiding decisions because I’m afraid of not being liked?
👉 Am I leading based on my values, or based on others’ opinions?
👉 Am I building trust, or just avoiding tension?

Leadership requires backbone.
It requires clarity.
And most of all, it requires the willingness to be misunderstood, especially in the short term.

You don’t need to be liked by everyone.
You need to be someone your team can count on, even when it’s uncomfortable.

That’s leadership.

In the end, popularity fades. But strong leadership leaves a legacy.

Lead with courage. Lead with purpose. And trust that those who matter — the ones who grow with you, respect you, and walk the journey with you — they’ll see your heart through your actions.

Even if they don’t always agree with you, they’ll know you showed up, not to be liked — but to lead.