Teachable Moments #4 - That's Not What I Meant!

It’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Choice of words, tone, timing, location, and other factors all impact the message delivered and, ultimately, the productivity of the conversation that follows. A YouTube video of breaking news has a different impact than the same event broadcast on television at 10:00 PM. The critique of a colleague’s work has a different effect when announced in a team setting compared to being shared in private. Dealing with the late-night antics of a teenager can be either an interrogation of actions or an inquiry about intentions, depending on your assumptions.

It’s easy to slip into the negative, to assume bad intentions and see only problems and barriers. Brain science has shown that we are hardwired to notice the negative, identify dangers, and keep ourselves safe. That’s understandable, but we are not often facing down a sabre-toothed tiger. Instead, we need to be more nuanced. We must make a concerted effort to consider all the elements that influence our communication. And that’s not easy when we are under stress or when emotions are running high.

But anyone who has ever said, “That’s not what I meant,” knows there must have been a better way to convey the message!

Recently, some individuals in the public eye have complained about the pressure to be politically correct. They feel burdened by the need to express themselves in the right way, believing they can’t communicate their true thoughts.

However, being politically correct is nothing more than being respectful. It’s recognising that everyone listens with personalised “headphones” tuned to their own history, culture, gender, ethnicity, age, philosophy, spirituality, and experiences. Those who are politically correct try to be sensitive to as many of these factors as possible. They understand that when they demonstrate respect, they receive respect in return. Consequently, their message is more likely to be heard and accepted.

If, like Rescue Inc., you see problems as sabre-toothed tigers to be fought and overcome, the people you need to help solve those problems will likely feel threatened as well. If, however, you view problems as opportunities for growth, collaboration, and new possibilities, the people whose help you require will respond positively to your respectful approach. They will be eager to share their ideas, time, and resources.

And you will achieve important goals rather than having to backtrack with apologies of, “That’s not what I meant!”